


Always Watching

by Kanrakarma



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: #hinted billdip #but barely, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:47:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23186512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kanrakarma/pseuds/Kanrakarma
Summary: I thought of what if scenario where bill comes to stan after ford is trapped in the portal. Bill makes a deal with him. To help him make a portal to get is brother back. Though he’s only doing it to get the rift. Stan makes him a realistic humanoid puppet and bill starts working in the shack. Since he is a puppet there’s a limitation on how much he can influence the physical world and use magic. The Twins come into Oregon as usual but instead of two shack workers Wendy and Soos, theres three now counting bill is now there to occasionally give  strange advice to the twins and maybe even go on a few adventures with them. does it change the fact that Dipper is Becoming more and more suspicious of.becoming more and more suspicious of Bill? How long can he keep up with the ruse?
Relationships: Hinted billdip - Relationship
Kudos: 6





	1. Tourist trap

My name is Dipper, The girl about to puke is my sister Mabel. You may be wondering what we’re doing in a golf cart playing from a Creature of unimaginable horror. Rest assured there’s a perfectly logical exclamation. 

It all began when our parents decided we could use some fresh air. They shipped us up north in a sleepy town called gravity falls Oregon. Stay at our great-uncle's place in the woods. My sister tended to look on the bright side of things. But I was having a hard time getting used to our new surroundings. And then there was a great uncle stand. He had turned his house into a tourist trap. There's a real mystery as to why anyone came. And we had to work there. We weren’t the only ones working there either. There was Soos, Wendy and bill. 

My sister is currently going through her whole boy crazy phase. She was harassing another random boy in the shack with one of her ridiculous letters. “ I get you’re going to the whole boy crazy phase but maybe you’re going a bit overboard with the crazy.”

“Oh come one Dipper!” She gasped and looked at me. “ this is our first summer away from home. It’s my big chance to have an epic summer romance!” I rolled my eyes. “Yeah but do you need to flirt with every guys you meet?” She had been harassing every guy that walks through the shack since the moment with her step foot in the shack. It was almost exhausting watching her jump around. 

Our grunkle walked into the gift shop holding a bunch of signs. “ I need someone to go hammer up these signs in the spooky part of the forest“

“not it!” Me and my sister said Unison. Soos Who is hammering up a sign behind us joined in right after. “Also not it.” My Grunkle Soon turned his attention to Wendy who was supposed to be managing the register but who is really reading a magazine. “I would,” she started. “But,I ...can’t reach it.” She made feeble attempts to reach as she continued to stare down at the living room. My grunkle frowned. “Bill what about you?” 

“Geez fez. You know I would, but. I really don’t want to.” Bill was supposed to be stocking the shelves with cheap knock off items. Instead he was trying to balance them on his head. He made it pretty far with five cylinders bouncing on his head. There wasn’t anything particularly interesting about the other employees in the shack. Soos was nice and a bit weird but he was a happy guy. Wendy was wow. She seems cool and pretty-err anyway, Bill seemed pretty normal well not normal definitely not normal. But not bad. But there was definitely something that made me feel off about him. He had golden blonde hair and bright eyes. His hair always covered his left eye and he wore a White collared shirt with a yellow sweater vest on top. It had an eye shown on the front. It loosely reminded me of something my sister would make. 

“ I would fire you all if I could.” My grunkle continued as he found no one willing to put the signs up. “ all right let’s make it, eeny-meeny-miney- you!” Grunkle Stan pointed straight at me. I tried my best to protest the words that always gave me the creeps. I always felt like I was being watched. Though I knew my grunkle didn’t believe me. I kept telling my sister and him about how weird the town was. But no one seems to believe me. 

After a few more people protested I started my way through the woods. I could hear the wind whistling through the trees. As I felt shivers down my spine. While nailing the signs to the trees that I passed I stumbled on one that made of metal clanking as I struck it with a hammer. I jumped at the sound and how and usual it was naturally I decided to do a bit more investigating. Opening it up I found it was Alex that contained a book inside. It was a buck with a red cover and a golden hand print with a number three written on it. The book was strange enough, but even stranger the handprint had six fingers rather than the usual five. I opened the book and I started reading. The book had appeared to be written by a paranormal investigator who is learning the secrets of this town. my excitement themed. As I kept reading there was a warning. “ It has been my suspicion that it has been confirmed I’m being watched by him aside from this book before he can find it. Remember in gravity Falls There is know when you can trust. Trust no one.”

This is serious. Something happened to the author of this book. And I just know that I have to find out. I have t- “HELLO” I yelp and turn around to see my sisters smiling face. “ Whatcha reading some nerd thing?” 

“Uhhh it’s Nothing!” I try to hide the bug behind my back. My sister laughs but then her voice becomes a bit more serious as she asks “ how are you not going to tell me?”

I agree to tell her once we go somewhere more private. Who knows, he might be watching whoever he is. Once we make it to the living room of the mystery shack I start gushing over the book. All of the exciting things the book meant. And the things I’ll learn and figure out. Because I wasn’t being paranoid like my grunkle said. I showed her how the pages just stopped. It appears the writer just magically disappeared. Suddenly I hear the doorbell ring. “Who’s that?”

“Oh I guess I better spell the beans” my sister then decided to literally knock over a can of beans before giggling at the joke. I sighed, “ let me get this straight and a half hour I was gone you already found a boyfriend?” 

My sister then ran to the door to greet her new boyfriend I guess. Grunkle made his way and asked me what I was reading. I quickly hit the book behind me and told him it was a magazine issue of… “ Gold chains weekly?” 

“That’s a good issue” Grunkle stan said and he wiped a soda. My sister quickly demanded attention as she started to introduce her new boyfriend. He instantly struck me as weird. His hoodie was black and torn and worn. He had grass and sticks sticking out of his hair and his skin was pale. “ We met at the cemetery. He's really deep!” Mabel said and she felt his arms. Gross I thought. When I asked him what his name was he seemed nervous. My weird sense was tingling. I asked him about the red things on his cheek and very quickly replied that it was jam which I thought was even more suspicious. Though my sister seemed completely unaware of how creepy he was. After looking at my journal, seems to fit the description of a zombie? How could this be. 

I didn’t notice when Bill entered the room intel he spoke. “Zombie huh?” He had a slight smirk on his face. “ interesting book there, mind if I take a look?” He peered down at me. Something about how his eye tracked me down and made me feel uncomfortable. I took a few steps away from him. “Relax kid, I was just curious. so you think your sister is dating a zombie? Hahahah that’s adorable.” 

“ look I don’t care if you don’t believe me! I know there’s something weird going on this town and I’ll prove it!” I glared up at the blonde. Though he only laughed. “oh something weird is definitely going on. I’m not doubting that. I just think zombies are not the way to go. I would think about something a bit smaller but hey Believe what you want. Though if I were you I would look for evidence before jumping into something you don’t quite understand yet. Anyway I have more important things to do. Good luck saving your sister from monsters, pinetree.” I frowned as I looked down at my book. “yeah whatever I’ll prove it to you“ but when I looked up he was gone. You would think that I would hear the footsteps of him walking away but I didn’t. It was like one second he was there in a second he was gone. Maybe he’s just a fast walker. Point is I have to go save my sister. 

I began to chase my sister and her boyfriend around town. I tried to find information but I couldn’t find much of anything he was weird but that in itself didn’t prove anything. I tried to confront my sister about how I felt about it but she didn’t seem to pick up the memo. I showed her my book and tried to show her the page of the zombies. Accidentally it turned out to be the page of the gnomes but I quickly turned to the right page. 

My sister didn’t believe me. I told her about how he doesn’t blink in the blood in the limping but she gave me the stupid excuse that he was just walking when I was. I’m in the probability of that…. well it’s possible but very unlikely. I tried to shake some sense into her but she ended up getting mad at me. Something about not wanting me to ruin her date with a horrifying evil zombie and I’m just trying to help! Even while I was just trying to help her I ended up locked out of our room. The time came when it was time for my sister and Norman’s date. 

I was reviewing the footage I had got when they were together. I just clearly saw his hand fall off and he put it back on this will sign enough that he was without a doubt a zombie! Quickly I got up to my feet and ran out of the shack I passed Bill on my way out. He gave me a smirk as I passed. I try not to dwell on it. He seemed like a jerk to me. Exiting the shack I found grunkle uncle Stan giving a tour to a bunch of tourists. I tried to get his attention so you can help me save Mabel but he seemed preoccupied. He was actually no help but I did get the keys to the golf cart. I drove off to catch up with my sister before she could get eaten alive.

As I drove down through the forest I saw my sister being surrounded by a bunch of….. gnomes? I guess I was off. With a shovel I managed to fend off the gnomes to get back to the golf cart as me and my sister made our escape. All and all it was a good adventure. I Fought a few cute little gnomes. My sister urged me to go faster but I told her not to worry I mean they have smaller feet there’s no way they could possibly catch up. I was suddenly looking at it that way of thinking when I heard loud stomping. I was almost scared to turn around and saw a bunch of gnomes merging together to make one super gnome. The giant gnome chased us as we tried to get away with our golf cart. 

We were trying to escape, the gnomes managed to knock us off of the golf cart and we crashed. Things are looking bleak as we had nowhere to run and the gnome was looking at us from 5 ft away. We had made it just behind the shack but no one seemed to come to our rescue. My sister took a step forward. “ mable, what are you doing?”

“Trust me” I was taking it back but she is my sister. I took a few steps back and let my sister do what she was going to do. Whatever that was. “ all right Jeff I’ll marry you.” With that the gnome seemed to calm down and the leader of the gnomes started to make his way towards her. He had presented a big shiny ring to her and she accepted it. “ you may now kiss the bride.” She said with a smile whatever her plan was. I hoped she would do it soon because I did not want to see my sister taken by a bunch of small men. 

The gnome seemed flustered but agreed and without expecting it my sister pulled out the leaf blower and sucked up Norman. Together we pressed reversed on the leaf blower and sent Norman flying at the rest of the gnomes knocking them over completely. Let me manage to blow away the rest of the gnomes together. We had beaten them. 

My sister apologized for not trusting me. And confided in me how disappointed she was that her first boyfriend was a bunch of gnomes. I gave her a sympathetic smile. And we shared an awkward hug. All in all it was a good day. We enter the shack with leaves cluttering our hair. Our grunkle was there to meet us. I don’t know why he appeared now and not when we needed him but it just seemed to work out that way. We were about to head back up to our room when he stopped us. “ wouldn’t you know what I accidentally over stopped the inventory. So how about Each of you take one item from the gift shop in the house?” me and my sisters face lit up as we looked around the shop and thought about what to take. Looking around the shop I happen to find a blue and white hat with the Pinetree on it. I put it on and it does the trick of replacing my old brown hat. I look at my sister to see what she’s got. Seems to fit my sister’s quirky personality as she takes out a “GRAPPLING HOOK!” She jumps around excitedly playing around and breaking things. 

I knew that this town had a lot of mysteries and I can’t wait to get to the bottom of everything. The box says to trust no one but I know that once you fight a army of gnomes with someone you know they have your back. Goodnight gravity falls.


	2. The legend of the Gobblewonker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twins spend a day at the lake. Stan wants to spend some quality time with his niece and nephew but the twins want to go monster hunting and decide to hunt the legendary gobblewonker with the help of Soos and BILL. Bill is not helpful at all.

My sister and I engaged in a syrup race. Was something we do every time we had pancakes. Sadly my sister won though it wasn’t all that surprising. I turn my head to look down at the wacky news. Apparently they were having a challenge for a monster photo. Which was very exciting. I mean I see weird things on the daily.

Grunkle stan holding a newspaper walked up to us and asked. “ do you knuckleheads know what day it is?” My sister and I exchanged looks. And after a few wrong guesses, he replies “ it’s family fun times genius“ He says in his rough voice and hits my hat down over my eyes. It takes me a second to reposition my hat to look on at him. I asked him if it’s going to be like the last bonding day we had where we spent the entire day painting fake dollar bills. Which I’m definitely sure is illegal. I mean we literally slept in the county Jail afterward. 

“ Look I know I may not have been the best summer caretaker, but I promise this will be fun now who wants to wear a blindfold and get into my car!”

“Yay!” Both I and my sister exclaim without thinking “wait, what?” I finally processed what he said.

One bumpy and most definitely dangerous car ride later we finally can take off our blindfolds. When we do we’re at a lake and Grunkle Stan is all dressed up in fisher gear. “Ta-da! It’s fishing season! You’re gonna love it the whole town’s here!” And he wasn’t off the mark either. Lazy Susan had her own boat and so is bodacious T. And manly Dan was wrestling a fish so that was pretty normal. 

Grunkle Stan put a fishing hat with our name on each of our heads. “ it’s going to be you and me and those goofy hats on the boat for 10 hours!” 

“10 hours!?” I ask flabbergasted, I mean what about the monster contest! I exchanged a look with my sister. She seemed to understand me as she whispered back “there has to be a way out of this.” Suddenly I heard yelling, I turned my head to see an old man yelling. 

“I’VE SEEN IT! I’VE SEEN IT AGAIN” he ran through the beach knocking everything over that was in his way. Even knocking an unsuspecting sandwich out of someone’s hand. “THE GRAVITY FALLS GOBBLEWONKER! COME QUICK BEFORE HE SCRAMDOODLES AWAY! Yip yip! Hoo-ha!” 

“ aw he’s dancing a happy jig” my sister adds as we watch the scene. “NOOO!!! IT'S A JIG OF GRAVE DANGER!” The old man approaches us. But it scared off by an younger man holding a water sprayer. “Now what did I tell you about scaring my customers?! This is your last warning, dad.” The younger man started fiercely spraying him with the water. 

“BUT I’VE GOT PROOF THIS TIME BY GUMMITY!” The old man squirmed and tried to hide in the water. The old man with a band-Aid on his beard hobbled over to the edge of the dock and pointed out a destroyed boat. “BEHOLD! ITS THE GOBBEYWONKER WHAT DONE DID IT! IT HAD A LONG NECK LIKE A GEE-RAFFE, AND WRINKLY SKIN LIKE THIS GENTLEMAN RIGHT HERE” he pointed at our Grunkle Stan. “IT CHOPPED MY BOAT UP TO SMITHEROONS! IT SHIM-SHAMMED OVER TO SCUTTLEBUTT ISLAND! YA GOTTA BELIEVE ME!” 

The two county sheriffs of gravity falls started to make an announcement. “Attention, all units. We got ourselves a crazy old man.” In unison every other patron of gravity Falls started laughing at the old man And though it was barely noticeable from the roaring laughter of the crowd. I could see his son look down in shame. I honestly felt bad for McGucket I know what it’s like to be called crazy. In retrospect he probably is but still. “AW, DONKEY SPITTLE BANJO POLISH” 

“Well that happened” grunkle stan said as the crowd dispersed. “Now let’s untie this boat and get out on that lake!” I would have but my mind was a bit preoccupied. Look over to my sister and say “ Mabel did you hear what the old dude said?” I try to get her on board with my monster hunting. But apparently she got the least important part of what he said. “Aw donkey spittle!” 

“No the other thing! About the monster! If we can snag a Photo of it we could split the prize 50-50!” I exclaim excitedly. “That’s two 50’s!” My sister adds. “ imagine what you can do with 500 dollars!” I can see the light bobs going on in my sisters head as she starts to go into her own head. It takes a bit of effort for me to snap her back into reality. “Dipper, I am 10000% on board with this!”

“Grunkle stan, change of plans. we are taking that boat to scuttlebutt Island and we are going to find that Gobblewonker!” Both me and my sister start chanting “monster hunt monster hunt” 

There is a blaring honking noise coming from behind us as we turn to see Soos and bill on a bigger boat of their own. “ you dudes say something about a monster hunt?” Soos says pulling up to the dock. Mable and Soos exchange a weird handshake. “ dude you can totally use my boat for your hunt!” Stan looks over an bill and gives him a glare. “ relax, fez. I’ll be here like a responsible being and make sure the kids are safe.” Stan sighed “ all right kids let’s think this through, you could waste your time on some epic Monster finding adventure. Or you could spend your day learning how to tie knots and skewer worms with your great uncle Stan!”

We look over at stan and then at the awesome cool monster adventure we could be having. And suddenly the choice becomes easy. As we both happen to the boat and sail away. 

I line up my crew members. The order goes mable, Soos and bill. “ all right if we want to win this contest, we’ve got to do this right think. What’s the number one problem in most monster hunts?” 

“ Your side character and you die in the first five minutes of the movie?” Soos guesses. “ dude am I a side character do you ever think about stuff like that?” Bill laughs “nah Soos, I never have to worry that I am a side character. I am either the main antagonist or the protagonist. It always depends on how you view history.” “Oh cool dude” Soos response. I sigh “no guys it’s camera trouble! Say big foot shows up, Soos be big foot.” Soos does his best and a fairly accurate portrayal of Bigfoot. “Oh look! There he is Bigfoot!” I say purposely overdramatic “ uh-oh, no camera! On wait here’s one oh no no film! Do you see what I’m doing here?” It appears everyone is finally starting to catch what I’m putting down. “ that’s why I bought 17 disposable cameras! Two on my ankles three on my jacket. Three for each of you and another three extra in this bag! And one! Under my hat. There’s no way were going to miss this! OK let’s test them out.” Right after I say that Soos fumbles with the camera only to have it fall straight into the lake. “this is exactly why we need back up camera now we have 16” mable suddenly gets attacked by a Siegel and decides to throw a camera at it. “16 OK guys I repeat do not los-!” Bill chuckles “ oh me next me next!” He grabs that one of the cameras and takes a bite out of it. The rest of us just stop and stare. “Ah! So crunchy give me a second” he says with his mouthful it takes him a solid three minutes to stop chewing the camera and swallow it. 

“Bill are you okay?” I ask genuinely confused. “Oh yeah pinetree I’m fine. Cameras just Don’t taste as good as I thought they would.” I just continue to stare at him before I shake it off and say “ OK guys let’s try to stop destroying our cameras. I repeat don’t lose the cameras!” 

“dude I just threw one away” Soos says pointing at a floating camera in the lake. I am about to lose it. 13 OK we still have 13 cameras” out of frustration I punched the cooler without realizing that there was a camera on there…. “12. We have 12 cameras…..” Mable looks over at me holding the bag of cameras holding one overboard. “So what's the plan? throw more cameras overbored or what?” I stare at my sister as I can hear bills cackling behind me. “NO! No. Okay. You’ll be look out, Soos can work the steering wheel. Bill can not Touch anything and I’ll be Captain.” 

“ what now what about Mabel? Mable Mable!” She starts to chant and Bill enters. “ I don’t think that’s a good idea.” “what about co captain” mable retorts. So honestly I don’t wanna have this conversation it was my idea to go on a monster hunt so I should be captain. “there’s no such thing as co captain” try to explain only to have maple throw another camera overboard. “Oh woops” she says staring me in the eyes. Checkmate I guess. “ fine you can be cocaptain!” Soos box up behind me and asked if he could be associate cocaptain. Bill jumps on his feet see it’s meant the past five minutes on the floor laughing at me. “ I wanna be free lance executive cocaptain!” He Chimes.

“ as cocaptain I authorize those requests” mable says that they beaming smile on her face. “ anyway we have more important things to do like we’re going to lower the monster using this” A point to a giant barrel of fish food. “ permission to take some of that?” Soos asks. As everyone takes their turn granting Soos permission he decides to taste some out immediately starts gagging. We all laugh at him. “Ew I don’t know what I thought it would taste like” Bill even tried it right after him but his reaction was very mild. “Eh it’s not as bad as I thought it would be.” We all continue to laugh.

We started our hunt. Soos was dumping a trailer fish food that we hoped would lure the monster towards us. Mable was playing with a Siegel that landed on our boat making it talk with very bad ventriloquism. I told her to leave it alone but of course she didn’t listen to me. She never does really. trying to take the ventriloquism a step further she started drinking water trying to sing twinkle little star. Which of course didn’t end well as she started choking and gagging. 

“ aren’t you supposed to be doing lookout?” I asked her only for her to throw a volleyball at me and yelled “look out!” Not expecting it it hit my arm pretty hard pretty sure there’s a bruise there now. 

“but seriously I’m on it” Mable laughs. As she says that we immediately crashed into the island. Great timing I guess. On the island we started exploring will take a second. Soos and Mabel Were a few steps behind me making a bad joke. They can be funny sometimes but I was a bit preoccupied thinking about other things. Like how I was going to find this monster. Mabel walked up to me and asked me if I was scared and then she started poking at me making farting noises which is annoying and actually kind of hurt as she jabbed her fingers in me. Eventually were heard this loud growl. Mable asked if it was Soos’s stomach but he said his stomach sounded more like a whale. 

A possum scurried through the dirt and swiped the lantern in its mouth and scurried off. I tried to reach for it but I couldn’t see anything as a light faded from view. With the fog of the island it was almost impossible to see. “ dude I don’t know man maybe this isn’t worth it“ Soos said. It wasn’t fair we worked so hard for this. I didn’t want to leave things the way they were. “Not worth it?! Guys imagine what could happen if we got that picture!” Everyone called me crazy dumb kid I didn’t know anything. If only I can prove it to them that I’m not crazy. I could be the adventure seeker dipper pines! People would actually start taking me seriously!

“I’m in” Mable exclaims as me,Bill and Mable start running deeper into the forest. Soos not wanting to be alone decides to run along with us. 

Deeper in the forest we tread forward. Soos start beatboxing. Mable start singing along with his beats. “ my name is Mabel! it rhymes with table! It also rhymes with glable. It also rhymes with Schmable”

“ dude we should totally be writing this down!” Soos said excitedly. “Oh oh me next!” Bill starts “ your name is Mabel it rhymes with table. Like Cain and Abel, and those living in a fable. Hearts disabled, your whole reality is unstable! It also rhymes with cable!” Bill sings along. 

“Guys guys” I try to get everyone’s attention as I heard another deep growl. “ do you hear something?” The growl echoes in the trees almost reverberating. The birds fly out of trees and I can hear the crows fly away. “This is it” I gasp. Finally I’ve been waiting for this. Me and my sister look at each other as we excitedly start marching towards the noise. Soos find a large stick and props it up in a defensive measure. Bill however in a relaxed manner follows us with his hands still in his pockets.

Looking out at the lake from the shore I see a silhouette of the gobblewonker. Soos, Mable and I all hide behind a piece of driftwood. Bill is the only one who doesn’t jump behind it. Instead he just stands there calm looking out at the silhouette. “Well that’s disappointing.” I ignore him as I tell everyone to get their cameras ready. Everyone but Bill does so we take our cameras and start running straight towards the monster cameras blazing. We’re almost certainly going to get a good picture of it. But as we approach we fine then it’s not actually the gobblewonnker but actually a weird sculpture thing a bunch of beavers did. “ but what was that noise?” Trying to be something causing it. I couldn’t of been imagining it. Bill went over to a beaver playing with a chainsaw that makes a growling noise that I heard in the forest honestly it’s all disappointing.

“Sweet beaver with a chainsaw” Soos takes another picture of it. “ maybe that old guy was crazy.” More disappointment floods in. Bill only laughs. “Of course he was crazy pinetree! I thought that was obvious” he continued laughing. I sigh I guess that means that I won’t be winning the contest after all. 

Soos starts occupying his time by taking pictures of beavers. I can’t help but mope on a rock while throwing pebbles into the water. “ what are we going to say to Grunkle stan we ditched him over nothing.” I throw another Pepple into the water. Looking deep into the water I feel a rumble beneath me. “ do any of you guys feel that?” Suddenly the rock under me collapses into the water and I fall Lynn I quickly swim back to shore only to see the rock that I was sitting on not to be a rock at all. Instead it was the gobblewonker! This was my chance! I take out my camera and start taking photos. “ come on this is our chance!” Exclaim with a new vigor. Instead of my friends being excited, Mabel and Soos start to back away looking behind me. Bill doesn’t back away but he’s staring behind me with a smirk. It was unsettling. “ what’s wrong guys?'' I ask. 

“ all you have to do is point and shoot“ but when I turn around I see that I am face-to-face with the monster. Fear overtakes me and I accidentally dropped the camera. “RUN!!!” I run past Bill and we all start running back to the boat I could swear that Bill was running right behind me but. I didn’t see him there. We tried to escape and Mabel almost got crushed by a tree. I tripped over a branch and Soos picked me up by my Life jacket. When we saw the boat bill was already on it. “ you guys are slow, get on!” This didn’t make sense I would’ve notice if he passed me. I was ahead of him I knew I was. But then I didn’t see him behind me. I didn’t see him in front of me either. It’s not like he could’ve just disappeared and reappeared on the boat. Why am I even thinking about this isn’t important right now. I have to get a picture. 

Bill started the boat. as we started to leave the shore the monster gaming on us. I take out I Camera from my vest but I see that the lens is cracked. Start panicking what is this is my only shot to get a real picture. “Soos get a photo!” But when I look up at him I Siri is throwing the cameras at the monster trying to fend it off. He’s wasting the cameras! “WHAT ARE YOU DOING!” Soos looks over at me. “ relax dude I still have one left!” He throws it over to me but He misses and it smashes against the deck. Right now our main focus is trying to get away. We start to speed up on the boat putting it at max speed. Waves are caused by all of the monsters movements in the boat is shaken. I was honestly afraid that some of us would get knocked out of the boat. 

We start flying closer to the lake shore where the rest of the fishers are. Speed pass them with the monster hot on our tails. Everyone flies like a blur around us. It appears we win the circle because we just saw the same group of beavers as before and we were about to run into them “Soos beavers!” I yell in a panic hoping that we don’t run into them. Which of course we do. Some of the beavers fly into the boat with us. They seem angry because they start biting at us. My sister and I squirm to try and get them off of us. Bill just stands there and lets them bite him. One of the beavers fly straight into Soos’s his face and unable to see he flares around. We pass by some more fisher men and their boats. I feel bad as their boats get knocked into the water. The gobblewonker swings his head to attack us and completely knocks off the entire roof of our boat. Our boat was in shambles and falling a part. And rapids speed we were approaching a waterfall. I fumble through my book trying to find some answers something that could help us. “ go into the falls I think there might be a cave behind there!” 

“Might be!” Mabel yells with reasonable concern. Bill chuckles “ freelance executive cocaptain bill Cipher copies!” He says he steers the boat straight into the waterfall. All of us close her eyes as we feel ourselves running straight towards the waterfall. I really hope that I’m right about the cave. And judging by the fact that we’re not dead I was right. I face planted right into the sand. Suddenly the Gobblewonker followed us into the cave and he roared. It reverberated due to the cave. And I felt his roar throughout my entire body. This is it. This is how I die. I hug mable and soos as our almost certain death comes for us. 

But at closer inspection it appears that the monster is stuck at the mouth of the cave. “It’s stuck!” Mable says with a beaming smile. I can’t help but give a Triumphant laugh. If it’s stuck that means I can take a picture! I look through my vest but I can’t find a picture in a panic floods through me. Suddenly Mabel takes off my hat and I remember that I had one hiding there too just in case. I smile at her. And I start taking pictures as many as I want since it’s trapped. Snaps at me trying to bite me which scares me a bit but it’s not like it can reach me. “ did you get a good one?” Mable asks. “ they’re all good ones!” I exclaim. Happiness bubbles. I can’t believe we did it! Mable and I hug excitedly. “Hammster ball!” She laughs. 

That’s when we realized that rocks started falling down in the cave ceiling. As the monster roared more rocks started to fall down. I was scared the Cave collapse but suddenly one of the rocks fell directly on the monsters head. I could hear sparks to be like Chasity as the monster fell down which raised a lot of alarms for me. I jumped onto the monsters fins and as I felt the monster’s skin I I found that it wasn’t skin at all. It was metal. I start to expect the monster closely. Mable and Soos tell me to be careful. I told him to come over and check out the monster with me I found a hat hiding behind the monsters back. I start to open it as my curiosity takes over. Opening the latch there is steam. As we look inside I see. The same old man from the dock. “ oh banjo polish!” The old man exclaims. 

“You! You made this? Wha-why?” I ask him looking down at him from on top of the fake monster. “Well, I… I uh. I JUST WANTED ATTENTION!” The old man said, looking remorseful. “ I still don’t understand.” I say demanding more answers. Why do this to get attention. 

“Well! First I hootenannied up a bioMechanical brainwave generator, and then I learn to operate a stick shift with my beard!” He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world which only drew more questions. “ OK yeah but why did you do it?” Mabel ask she was probably just as curious as I was. “Well” he started “ when you get to be an old fella like me, nobody pays any attention do you anymore. My own son hasn’t visit me in months. So I figured I’d catch his fancy. With a 15 ton aquatic robot!” He started laughing crazily but then the laugh started to turn rather sad. “ in retrospect it seemed a bit contrived. You just don’t know the Lengths us old timers go through for a little quality time with our family.” I immediately start feeling bad and my thoughts go back to Grunkle Stan he just wanted to have a little bit of quality time with us. 

I pull out the hat that our Grunkle made for us. Both me and mable sigh, guilt starts flooding in. “ I guess the real Lake monster is you two. Haha” Soos says which honestly makes us feel worse. “Sorry it’s just like, boom. Popped into my head here.” We look back at the our matching hats. “ so did you ever talk to your son about how you felt?” Mable asked. 

“ no sir I got straight on the robot. I made lots of robots in my day! Like when my wife left me I created a homicidal pterodactyl-tron! Or when my pal Ernie didn’t come to my retirement party! And I constructed and 80 ton shame bot. That exploded the entire down town area!!!” He started cackling. And brought up a entire slide presentation about it. Where do you even get that. “well time to get back to work on my death ray!” The old man ended his presentation. “ any of you kids got a screwdriver?”

“ well so much for the photo contest.” I can’t believe the entire thing was fake. Really wanted to win. “ well you still have one roll of film left?” Mable adds 

“ yeah well what do you want to do with it?” I asked mable gives me a smile and I know exactly what she means. Soos mable and I start walking towards the mostly destroyed boat. That’s when I realized. “Woah where is bill?” I look around and so do the others. 

“ I am in here.” Bell sticks out his head apparently he was in the boat while we were taking photos of the fake gobblewonker. I guess he missed the entire conversation with the old man scientist. “ we’re going back to Stan.” I exclaim. I think we kept him long waiting for Long enough. “ I think fez would like that he has his whole family Shtick” Bill replies. “ so I guess I’m driving us back to shore.” We all get back into the boat or what’s left of it really when we head back to meet up with our great uncle. 

Once he comes into view we start calling out his name. “What the kids? I thought you were both playing spin the bottle with Soos and bill.” Stan grumbles out crossing his arms. “ well we spent all day trying to find a legendary dinosaur“ I started luckily my sister was there to finish it for me. “ but we realize the only dinosaur we wanna hang out with is right here” mable finished and both give a great uncle a smile. “Save your sympathies! I’ve been having a great time without ya! Making friends, talking to my reflection. I got a run in with the lake police. I guess I got to wear this ankle bracelet now that will be fun.” Stan replies. 

“ so I guess that means there isn’t room in the boat for a few more?” Me and my sister instantly book on our hats trying to change his mind. “ you knuckleheads ever seen me thread a hook with my eyes closed?” Stan proposes. 

“ five bucks says you can’t do it!” I chime in as I hop in to the boat. “ five more bucks says you can’t do it with your eyes closed Plus me singing at the top of my lungs!” Mabel adds as she gets on the boat. Stan gives a hearty laugh “ I like those odds!” Soos also gets on the boat. “ well what happened to your shirt?” Grunkle Stan asks Soos explains that it’s a long story. “ you coming into Bill?” Stan asks bill replies with a small laugh then says. “ I don’t think so. Honestly I was planning on going back to the shack and I don’t know checking the vending machine for anything interesting.” 

Stan’s face tightens a bit. “ well if you do let me know.” “You got it fez. have fun you guys!” Bill ride the broken boat all the way back to the dock as he gets out and fades from veiw. He really is a weird guy. I know he lives with us in the shock but I haven’t even seen his room. I take out my camera and focus on the family I have right in front of me. “ all right everybody get together and say fishing!” I take out the camera and decide to take a picture of my family. But that picture was the first of money as we decided to spend the rest of the day with my great uncle. His jokes we’re terrible by the way but at least I caught a fish. I mean actually we stole it but we got away from the cops so stan says that’s basically like catching it. All in all it was a pretty good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sense this fanfiction is written in the perspective of dipper there’s going to be a lot of things he doesn’t notice or doesn’t know about. But you can assume that Bill and Stan are working in the middle of the night in the basement. Also poor dipper hasn’t noticed bill called him pinetree before he got the hat. Bill is just going to be there knowing pretty much everything but sharing actually nothing. Occasionally he gives them hints but their hints that he knows they would never get. And he does that just to flaunt his own intelligence and omniscience. Sometimes he’s going to make things harder for the twins just for fun. But he also asked to keep the fact he’s a demon and a secret so this should be fun. Also I love the idea of Bill just disappearing and reappearing at random parts of the story. Like he can influence the physical realm since he has a physical body but it can’t hold all of his magic. Bill is not stupid and he stayed in the boat for a reason. He had history with Fiddleford McGucket. And even though he doesn’t have memories of everything. bill isn’t going to take the chance of accidentally reviving any of those memories of him. I also added the whole Cain and Abel thing for a number of reasons. Bill loves to flaunt his intelligence by adding hints that he knows the twins won’t get. The whole story of Cain and able is a story about two brothers and one who ends up killing the other. This could be taken as Stan accidentally sending ford into the portal which honestly could’ve ended up killing him. And Killing his brother basically turn Cain into a demon. Where Stan isn’t a demon he certainly made a deal with one. And bill Is immortal And I’m pretty sure he knows most pieces of literature. And I’m not going to write bill like he knows everything. He knows lots of things lots and lots of things but not everything and hubris is his downfall. He’s omniscient but not completely.


	3. Headhunters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mystery twins with the help of their friend Soos end up finding a mysterious room with a bunch of wax figurines. Hijinks ensues. Also bill has a strange habit of talking to wax figures.

It was a normal lazy Morning. My sister and I were watching duck-tective while we were sharing a bowl of popcorn. What is the episode about the body found inside of the telephone Booth. “ That duck is a genius!” my sister said. She easily got excited when it came to animals. Sparkly things. Colorful things. things in general. 

“it’s easier to find clues when you’re that close to the ground” I retort. “ Mabel I have very keen powers of observation for example just by spelling of breath I can tell you just ate…. an entire tube of toothpaste?” Honestly that sounded disgusting.

“ it was so sparkly!” Mable wined. Suddenly Soos ran into the living room holding a broom talking about some cool thing he found. He leads us down the hall of the shack, this whole same dimly lit and when your uncle runs a tourist trap with goat heads glued together it gets kind of creepy. 

“so I was cleaning up when I found the secret door hidden behind the wallpaper. It's crazy bonkers creepy dude” Soos explains. And he was right it was definitely crazy bonkers creepy. The door opened with a loud creek revealing a room full of wax figures from History. They all looked lifelike which added to the creep factor. I mean my sister quickly examined all of the figurines “they all look so lifelike” Mable started to pet one of the wax figurines. “Except for this one, why would they have a wax statue of bill?” I pointed my flashlight at a wax statue.. “Yellow!” Everyone screamed as the statue of Bill wasn’t actually a statue but Bill himself what was he doing just standing in the room perfectly still he didn’t even blink. “ Bill what the hell are you doing here?!” I yell, still trying to get my heart rate down. 

Bill chuckles maniacally. “ I saw Soos Open the door a while ago, Sonwhen He went to call you guys I stuck inside. And waited.” 

“Dude I totally stopped to eat a sandwich after finding the door then got distracted by the goat outside before remembering about the secret door to tell you dudes. You wanted for an hour standing still?” Soos asks, impressed.

“Was it an hour? Time is of the structure that humans made A couple millennia ago. I don’t care for it” Bill shuged. Mable just laughed “ you only say that because you’re always late for your shifts. Boop boop!” Mabel pooped his shoulder. 

“ what’s going on here? I heard screams.” Grunkle Stan said entering the doorway. “Hey! You found my gravity falls wax museum! It used to be one of our most popular attractions, right bill? I got them all Genghis Khan, Sherlock Holmes uhhhh some goblin guy man” Stan starts pointing to all of the wax figures as he passes them. “ goblin man is my favorite! He’s a great listener.” Bill says with a laugh. “ you talk to wax figurines in your free time? Don’t you think they’re creepy?” I ask. I mean I knew he was weird but does he have to keep on getting weirder. “ it’s only creepy when they start talking back~” Bill issues with a smirk wiggling his fingers in a threatening matter at me. I shudder and decide to brush him off. 

“ and now for my personal favorite right over here Abraham Lincoln!” Stan points to a melted wax figure. “right over, oh No! Come on! Who let the blinds open?! Wax John Wilkes Booth I’m looking in your direction! How do you fix a wax figure?”

“ cheer up Granchal stand where is that smile?” Mable tries to make her Grunkle feel better. Putting a hand on his shoulder. “ beep bop boop!” She poked him three times, the last one ending in his eye. “Ow!” Mable had a huge smile on her face. “ don’t worry Grunkle Stan I’ll make you a new wax figure from all of this old wax!” Stan didn’t look all that convinced. “Grunkle Stan I am a arts and crafts master! Why do you think I have a glue gun stuck to my arm?”

“ I like your gumption, kid.” Stan Agee and gives her a smile. “ I don’t know what that word means but thank you!” And with that everyone Left the room. Bill however stayed behind. “how are you doing, Cera Alba? It’s been a while since you’ve had any contact with the outside world. How does it make you feel?” I stop. Is Bill actually talking to a wax figure? Hell it was even the one he said was his favorite. I decide to leave him alone and check to see what Mabel 

When I reached Mabel she was scribbling on her notepad right in front of an entire block of wax. As soon as Mabel heard me approach she jumped on me. “Dipper! Do you think about my wax sculpture idea? She's half fairy princess and half horse fairy princess!” 

how am I going to get her to think more umm not hyped up on sugar. “ maybe you should carve something from real life?” I offered and hope she accepts it. No offense but I really don’t want to have to look at a horse fairy princess for the rest of the summer. “ like a waffle with big arms!” She exclaims. I’m losing her again. “Yo-kay or ya know, something else, like someone from your family.” Not a moment after me saying that Grunkle stan pops and poses on a briefcase on the floor. Without any pants. I look at Mabel’s face and her eyes start to sparkle like she just reached the most brilliant idea. I’m done. I just escaped one weird encounter with Bill talking to wax figurines and now this. I decide to go to my room and look through the journal a bit more. After 2 hours my sister calls me down to look at her sculpture of our great uncle. It actually looked really cool. Then Soos and Mable poured an entire gallon of glitter onto it. And I had to cough up my left lung. 

Stan walked into the room unable to find your shoes. He stopped when he looked at the wax figure of himself. “What do you think?” Mabel asks, bursting with anticipation. “ I think…. I think the museums back in business!” Stan exclaimed. it’s spent the next few days preparing everything for the grand reopening. Soos was managing the parking, Bill was seating the Guests, Stan and Mable we’re on the stage rehearsing their speeches and Me and Wendy were in charge of the tickets for the event. I was surprised with how many people were coming to this event. “Your uncle probably bribed them or something,” Wendy laughed. She had a really pretty laugh. She was pretty in general. I mean umm. “He bribed me” I tells her totally coolly as she pulls out $10. she laughs and pulls out a $10 bill Her own. 

It isn’t very long before the re-opening starts and Stan takes the stage. He goes on his speech about this being some world changing moment. “ but enough about me, behold ME!” He pulls the sheet over his wax self and shows the rest of the town the sculpture. Crowd didn’t seem all that impressed but there was a few polite claps from the audience. “ and now a Word from our own Mable-Angelo!” Stan says proudly as he introduces Mabel to the stage. “It's just Mabel,” she giggled. “ Thank you for coming. I made the sculpture with my own two hands! It’s covered in my blood sweat and tears and other fluids.” The audience was understandably grossed out by this. “Heh heh yeah, I will now take a question! You there” she pointed out to the audience it was the old man we met at the docks from our fishing trip. The one who built a giant robot to get his son's attention. 

“ Old man McGucket, local kook. Are the wax figures alive? Follow up question can I survive the following wax man uprising.” There was a long pause before the question was answered with a very confused “umm… yes. Next question!” 

“ Toby determined, gravity Falls gossiper. Do you really think this constitutes a wonder of the world?” He held up a fake microphone up to the stage. Before Mabel could answer the question stan interjected with “ your microphones a turkey baster, Toby. Next question.” This time the person asking the question was a finally dressed woman “Shandra Jimenez. A real reporter. Your flyers promised free pizza with administration to this event. Is this true?” The crowd started to get into a riot over the promise of pizza. 

“ that was a typo. Good night everyone!” Stan then through a smoke bomb onto the stage he then ran by my table grabbing the money from admissions before heading inside at the shack. The audience going a bit hysterical decided to break a few things and manly dan and even punched one of our pillars for our banner. Mable made her way to our table then unceremoniously said “I think that went well.” 

Later that night Stan dude in the living room counting all the money he got from admissions. “ Hot pumpkin pie look at all this cash! And I owe it all to one person” Mable looked up at him expectantly. Only to be Dobre completely. “This guy!” Stan pointed to the wax figure of himself. Mable laughs and Playfully punches him. “oh yeah, you too you little gremlin”. Then he pet Mable’s hair. “Now you kids wash up we got another long day of fleecing Rubes tomorrow. Get on go.” Stan ushered both me and my sister up the stairs. 

On our way to the bathroom we passed Bill. I know he lives here too. I haven’t seen his room though. I don’t even know where it is. I just assume that there’s one just hidden away. I mean we found a hidden room today it makes sense if there’s more around here. Bill is wearing a yellow nightcap and a yellow T-shirt that says “eye see everything” with a picture of the illuminati on it. He’s also wearing some black pajama pants with Golden triangles on it. He smiles at us then turns into a different hall. The whole town is weird but bill has a completely different weird. I mean apart from the fact that he works in the shack and occasionally shows up for breakfast. There’s not a whole lot that we know about it. Stan says Bill started working for him a few years ago and that everything else is in our business. 

Me and my sister go into the bathroom and start brushing our teeth to get ready for bed. Suddenly in the distance me and my sister hear Stan yelling no. After exchanging a look with each other you’re my sister run downstairs to see what happened. A few seconds later Bill enters the room. 

Stan stood there in the living room looking down at his wax figuring self beheaded on the carpet. “Wax Stan, he’s been… murdered!” The next few minutes were a bit hectic as I was trying to both calm down my sister and Stan. Bill wasn’t helpful at all. He instead started laughing. He tried to stop several times but they weren’t very successful. Eventually we opted to call the police because it was the only way to get Mable and Stan to calm down. 

Since the town is pretty small I didn’t take them too long to get here. Stan stood in front of the wax corpse explaining to the officers what had happened before the murder took place. Me and my sister stood next to him for emotional support. Bill sat upside down on the couch drinking a can of soda. After taking a sip he would start gagging and coughing because you’re not supposed to drink soda upside down. Then he would repeat the process over and over. 

“Blamo! He’s headless” Stan explained. Mable pet the headless wax sculpture. “ my expert handcrafting…. besmirched. Besmirched!!” I comfortingly put a hand on my sister's shoulder. “ Who would do such a thing?” I ask. 

“Look, I’d like to help you folks but let’s face it this case is unsolvable,” Sheriff Blubs said while drinking a cup of coffee. “What?!” We all say in unison. “you’re kidding right there must be evidence, motives. You know I can help if you want?” I explain I mean no case is unsolvable. “He’s really good, he figured out who is eating tin cans!” my supportive sister says. “all signs pointed to the goat!” I smile at her. “Yeah yeah let the boy help.” Stan said. After a particularly loud coughing fit Bill entered the conversation “yeah! I wanna see pinetree try to figure this out!” 

Sheriff Bulb nudged his Deputy and laughed “whoo! would you look at what we got here! City boy thinks he’s going to solve a mystery with his fancy computer phone!” Deputy Durland laughs and with hands over his mouth he yells “ city boy city boy!”. With a patronizing smile, Sheriff bulb said “ you are adorable!” I couldn’t believe what he just said. Adorable? Me? I held my hands in a fist. I couldn’t believe this. 

“look PJs, how about you leave the investigatin’ to the grownups?” Sheriff Bulbs said. Then his Radio went off “attention all units Steve is going to fit an entire cantaloupe in his mouth. Repeat an entire cantaloupe.” Deputy Durland practically jumping up and down “ it’s a 2316! Let’s move!” With that both of the cops moved out and ran out of the shack. 

“ that’s it! Mabel, you and Me. we’re going to find a jerk who did this! And get back that head! Then we’ll see who’s adorable!” I say determined. And then a bit of dust flew into my nose that I couldn’t help but sneeze. “Awww, you sneeze like a kitten!” Mable said unhelpfully. Causing Bill to laugh even more hysterically. 

In the morning me and Mabel decided to start the case. Maybe when I wrote with red marker do not disturb the crime scene over a bunch of toilet papers as we quarantine the area. I took it upon myself to make a board of possible suspects. “ there were a lot of unhappy customers during the unveiling. Murder could be anyone.” I say starting the investigation. “Gasp! Even us?!” Mable said with a gasp. I take out my journal “ in this town anything is possible ghosts zombies. It could be months before we find our first clue!” 

“Look a clue!” Mable pointed to the footprints on the carpet. The strange thing is it the foot prints had a hole at the bottom. Like the shoes must’ve had a indent in them. Following the footprints they lead straight to an ax. Obviously we had to take the Ax to a professional. So we gave it to Soos to see if he had anything important to say about it. “my opinion this is an Ax.” That tidbit of information wasn’t all that helpful but it did give Mabel a good idea. Lumberjack. “ he was furious when he didn’t get that free pizza!” I explain as we had a possible motive. “ furious enough for murder!” Mable said with excitement we were going to catch this perp! 

“ you mean Manly Dan? Yeah he hangs out at this crazy intense biker joint downtown” Soos explained now we knew where our next stop was. “dude this is so awesome you two are like mystery twins!”

“Don’t call us that” I say. We’ve already had receive a multitude of different nicknames over the years didn’t need anymore. Me and my sister started making our way out of the shack and into town. On our way out we passed Stan and Bill moving a coffin together which I assume is for wax Stan. 

Eventually looking throughout the town we found the biker joint that Soos told us about. They had a bodyguard guarding the door. It was a good thing that Mabel made fake IDs for us just in case. We managed to enter now all we had to do was camouflage seamlessly into the crowd and find manly Dan. I told my sister to gather information and the other patrons as I talked to Dan. When I saw him he was playing with the test of your strength machine. 

“ so manly Dan, just a man I wanted to see. Where were you last night?” I asked trying to get as much information from him as I could. “ punching the clock.” He responded. “you were at work” I ask, trying to clarify. “ no I was punching that clock!” He pointed at a clock just outside of the bar. In closer examination The time written on the stop clock read 10 o’clock. Which was the time of the murder meeting he couldn’t of been the murder. But just in case. “ does this mean you wouldn’t recognize this?” I pull out the ax for his examination. “ listen little girl I wouldn’t pick my teeth with that ax! It’s left-handed I only use my right hand” I tried to correct him that I was actually a boy but he didn’t seem all that interested. And he had actually given us an even bigger clue. This meant the culprit was left-handed. 

I ran over to get Mable so we can continue the investigation. She abruptly ended her conversation with a biker dude, after explaining the details of the case with my partner Mable we start interviewing all of the suspects that were at the reopening yesterday. Our main focus was figuring out whether our suspect was left or right handed. After an entire day of interviewing suspects there was only one person on our list that was left-handed. That evening we called the county sheriffs to stage a raid on our prime suspect. 

Busting through the door there was our murder. Toby Determined. “ you’re under arrest for the murder of the wax body of Grunkle Stan!” I say proudly. 

“Goblin goose feathers I don’t understand!” He wined. Probably upset that we figured it out so quickly! “ allow me to explain you were hoping that Grunkle stans new attraction would be a story that saved you are failing newspaper. When the show was a flop, you decided to make your own headline! But you were sloppy and all the clues pointed to hey shabby shoe reporter who was caught left handed!” I high five my sister.

“ geez your knees must be sore from jumping To conclusions” Toby retorts. “ I had nothing to do with that murder!” What? No way the evidence never lies  
“then where were you the night of the murder?” Sheriff bulbs raised an eyebrow at Toby. Toby noticeably started to sweat and feel uncomfortable. he then lend us to his Computer as he displayed the video footage of himself last night. Apparently last night he was making kissing faces at a cardboard cut out of news reporter Shandra Jimenez. 

“ Toby, you’re off the hook your freak of nature.” Sheriff bulbs says before giving me and my sister a frown. “But but it Has to be him check the ax for fingerprints!” I command, trying to save my reputation. The officers start checking the ax. “no prints at all” the sheriff say. “hey I have a headline for you ‘ City kids waste everyone’s time’” the deputy says as everyone starts laughing at us. It wasn’t fair we were so close!

We arrived back at the shack Bill was in the kitchen making himself an abomination he called a snack. He was always be eating weird things. His time he was boiling kool-Aid in a kettle. He poured it into a glass using his…. left hand! “hey Bill you’re left-handed… also Burning your hand you’re not supposed to hold a kettle from the bottom.” Bill finished pouring his drink and then looked at his hands. “ I suppose that explains the whole burning feeling. Hahaha look kid i’m practically burning my fingers off!” He laughed as he wiggled his brown fingers in my face. Then it hit me. “Hey bill how much of your fingerprints are still left on your hand?” Narrow my eyes at him. “I don’t know. Most of it is got I imagine.” That it’s all the evidence I needed. I pointed giant finger at him. “It was you! You killed wax stan! Now I just need to know why! Why did you do it! The murder didn’t have fingerprints and he was left-handed that leaves you as our prime suspect!” 

Bill stared at me and then started to laugh maniacally. “Cute kid. Only there’s a few problems with that theory of yours. I’m not just left handed I’m Emma dexterous I can write with both hands. Why would I if committing a crime use the hand that would narrow the odds for myself getting caught? Second anyone can avoid having their fingerprints on things if they just wore gloves. Third, I have no motive. Honestly with wax fez gone that give me more work because now I have to work on the Morial. And I hate extra work. And lastly I have an alibi at the time of the ‘murder’ I passed you in the hall. Even if I was super fast and quiet there’s no way I could make it down the stairs to commit the murder and come all the way up without you noticing. Sorry but in this case I am innocent.” I don’t understand who could it be then. “ if it’s any constellation, you had good reasoning but you should think more out of the box. Anyway I should go. I don’t want to leave Stan alone for too long.” And with that bill left. 

An hour had passed and now it was time for the memorial service of wax stan. The other Wax figures had their Own places in the memorial as the audience. Bill is currently sleeping through the memorial. But Stan acted like he didn’t notice. “Kids, Soos, Bill, other lifeless wax statues. Thank you all for coming that’s such a sad time” Stan said with a heavy heart. “ some people might say it’s wrong for a man to love a wax replica of himself.” Soos was Everly sobbing throughout the speech. “Wax Stan, I hope you’re picking pockets in wax heaven.” Stan too started to cry “i’m sorry I have glitter in my eye!” He then ran out of the room and Soos ran after him. 

The room was empty except for the wax figures, A sleeping cipher and me and my sister. She tells me that I shouldn’t give up and that we tried so hard. That’s when I noticed that wax Stan has a hole at the bottom of his shoe. “ mable he has a hole at the bottom of the shoe“ Mabel looks at me a bit confused. “Yeah they all have that. That’s where the pole do-dadds goes in to hold them up.” Suddenly the pieces were all going into place. “ no fingerprints. That means the murderer is!”

“standing right behind you” me and my sister turn to see wax Sherlock Holmes talking. All of the wax figurines start to come to life. One of the wax figurines takes the Ax from Mable. “ Congratulations, my two amateur sleuths. You’ve unburied the truth! And now we’re going to bury you.” The wax figures begin to menacingly come closer to us. “bravo dipper pines you’ve discovered our little secret” and wax Sherlock Holmes took out wax Stan’s head. “ applaud everyone plot sarcastically” The rest of the wax figure started to apply but it sounded a bit more sincere than sarcastic so Sherlock told them to slow down the claps. 

“ but how is this possible you’re made out of wax” I ask. I mean this goes against science. “are you magic?” Mable asks. I mean I suppose magic could be possible. Sherlock laughed devilishly “ she wants to know if we’re made out of magic? Hahaha” he then slammed his smoking pipe on the floor. “We’re cursed! Cursed to come to light whenever the moon is waxing. your uncle bought us many years ago at a garage sale. The seller tried to warn your uncle about our curse however he was too stupid to take the warning. So the mystery shack wax collection was born. By day we were playthings of man, but when your uncle was asleep we would rule the night! It was a charmed life for us cursed beings. That is until your uncle closed up shop. We’ve been waiting 10 years to get our revenge on Stan for locking us away. But we got the wrong guy.” 

“ so you were trying to murder Grunkle Stan for real?!” Ask horrified. “ you were right all along dipper wax people are creepy!” Mable said as we backed away from the wax creatures as far as we could go. “ enough now that you know our secret, you must Die.” Then Sherlock Holmes and the other wax figure start approaching us. Growling intensely. Since we had backed up into the catering table we started throwing everything from the table at the wax figures. None of them seem to have any effect until I grabbed a Hot Coffee cup and spilled it on to the closest wax figured Genghis Khan. He then started screaming as he melted into the floor. “ that’s it ! we can melt them with hotty melty things!” Mable said. We then grab the two candlesticks from the table and held them up as weapons. They were electric but they still produce their own heat. 

“ anybody move and will melt you into candles!” I said fiercely. “ decorative candles!” Mable added. “ you really think you can defeat us?” Sherlock said as he in the other wax figures have started to make the retreat. “So be it… ATTACK!” The wax figurine started coming at us. With nothing but a candle me and my sister began fighting back using the candles as swords. Everything was going pretty well as we managed to hold her own against the wax figures that is until Sherlock grabbed a real sword! And knocked my candle stick out of hands. Maple then grabbed a fireplace hook and After putting it in the hot fire until the metal was bright red she then threw it at me so I could use it to defend myself. “Catch!” I caught it with my hands and then started to fight back against Sherlock. We thought up the stairs as I was unable to hold my ground. “ once your family is out-of-the-way we will rule the night once more!” Sherlock said, revealing his evil plan. “don’t count on it!” I yelled, I had a brilliant idea that just might work! I opened the window before running off onto the roof. Any responsible Parent would tell you not to run on the roof but I don’t have a responsible parent. I have a Grunkle! I ran up all the way onto the sign of the mystery shack. There wasn’t much I could do to win this fight other than countering his attacks. And that was fine I just needed to buy time. 

“ do you really think you can out with me boy! I’m sherlock bleeding homes! Have you seen my magnifying glass!?” I ran to the other side of the roof if I remember correctly the sun comes up in the east. Sure no the night colors started turning pink as the sun started to peek. I grew fearful as I couldn’t see Sherlock anywhere. For a second I thought he was safe when he realize he was right behind me he kicked me in my gut as I toppled over. “Any last words?” He as as he held a sword to my throat. “Umm. Got any sunscreen?” I couldn’t help but smile enough time had come and the sun was hitting him fall on. he started to melt. “No” he answered glaring at the sun as he melted. “you know letting me leave you into the sun probably not your sharpest decision” I quipped now that I was finally out of real danger. 

“outsmarted by a child short pants. NOoooooo! Fiddlesticks! Humbugs! It’s a total kerfuffle! What a hullabaloo!” Sherlock said his last words as he melted into the ground. “Case closed!” I said proudly as I dusted off my hands which ended up making the dust go into my nose and caused me to sneeze. I thought that Sherlock was dead at this point but apparently he had enough life and him to call me adorable as he fell to his death. What was disgusting and rather graphic but the insult didn’t hurt as much. 

When I came back in the room I saw Mabel hurling the rest of the wax figures body parts into the fire. “Dipper your okay! You solve the mystery After all!” Mable smiled at me. I picked up a knocked over a chair and used it to graph stance head which was currently stuck on top of a stuffed rhino's head. I’m not even going to ask where he got a rhino’s head. “ I couldn’t have done it without my sidekick!” I smile back at her

“ no offense dipper but you’re the sidekick.” She said which honestly confused me. “ what? Says who? like are people saying that? have you heard that?” I mean I don’t think I’m a sidekick. Stan walked into the room and yelled “hot Belgium waffles!” No doubt he was surprised that the entire mess that we made and also the fact that all of his wax figures were destroyed. “ what happened to my parlor!” He narrowed his eyes at us. 

“ your wax figures turned out to be evil! So we fight them to the death!” Mable explained. I knew it already sounded crazy so I decided to added “I decapitated Larry king” I actually thought he would be mad at us but instead he laughed it off and said “ you kids and your imaginations!” Grabbing the wax head of Stan I raise it up to my Grunkle Stan. “ on the bright side look what we found!” I then tossed it up to my Grunkle. He smiled at me as he caught it. “Hahaha my head! I missed this guy! You done good kid! All right lineup for some affectionate noogying. Hahah noogy noogy!” The pines twins and our Grunkle all giggled at laughed together. It wasn’t until we heard the sound of distant sirens that we turned our attention elsewhere. 

The cop car had parked just outside of our newly broken window. sheriff Bulbs said with a snicker “ solve the case yet boy? So confident that you’re going to say no. Then I’m going to take a long slow sip from my cup of coffee.” He proceeds to do so. Before I can let him finish his sip of coffee I smugly respond with. “ actually the answer is yes!” As I hold up wax stan’s head. He then proceeds to choke on the coffee to spit it out on his deputy. Immediately start screaming at how hot it is. Now screaming they both ride off in their cop car. 

Everyone started laughing at the cop cart. Including a familiar laugh from Bill cipher who apparently just woken up. Of course he hadn’t been a week we are fighting the wax figures but now that it’s all over there he is. I asked Mabel if she was sure that she got all of the wax figures and she said that she was 99% sure. All things considered it was a good adventure! Me and my sister exited the Parlor. I was sure that Stan was going to follow us out but he said he needed to talk about something with Bill. I wanted to stop and listen and to see what they were talking about but Mabel said she wanted my opinion for a sweater.

“sequins or llama hair?” She asked but I wasn’t really all that interested so I kept my nose stuck in my book. “llama hair, llamas are the worlds greatest warriors”

“Thanks dipper!” And with that my sister ran off it wouldn’t be that weird I was the one who said it but I didn’t. I looked around to see if anyone else had said it but I didn’t see anyone. I decided to shrug it off. We’ll till the next adventure.


End file.
